She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
