Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
