Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
