i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
me + whiskey = a bad person
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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