I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
