8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
