on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
How external is "for external use only"?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
