just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
