Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
