Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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