Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
