I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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