Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
