cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize