Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
