I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
