cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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