theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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