so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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