I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
