Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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