He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
