Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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