Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
