Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
