i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
