You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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