You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
