you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
