I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
