apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
