i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
