Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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