I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
