I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
