You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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