Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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