i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
