apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
