Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
