Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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