Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
