i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Sext me about skeletons
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
