I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
