My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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