So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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