I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
