My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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