After last night, I could never be a politician.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize