walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
