Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
