man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need water and some morals
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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