I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Acid is not a monday night drug
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
