You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
