just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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