A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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