When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
