Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
