I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
