One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
