I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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