is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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