His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Hippo gnu deer
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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