It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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