We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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