My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
