Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
