did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
