can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
